Oh no! my BFF did not included my baby on her wedding invitation.
Recently I read a magazine article which dealt with this subject and immediately I thought – ‘there’s a blog coming on!’
This will be a short blog, unlike my last one which was all about how to settle your baby.
Back to that stylish wedding invitation that may have been emailed to you or you found it in your letter-box in a beautifully designed envelope.
You open it with great expectations, knowing your BFF had been planning her wedding – but – what’s this ???? No mention anywhere about your most beautiful baby – just two weeks old and whose name you expected to be on this invitation. You count on your fingers and discover she will be nine weeks old at the time of the wedding and your best friend has not included her on her most important day? How could this be?
I want you to ask yourself that very question. How could your best friend not invite your most precious bundle of joy to her wedding?
Well – take a deep breath…in through your nose and out through your mouth, then do that again. It will begin to de-stress you. I talk about this technique in my book ‘Baby on Board – Mum is Driving’
Then re-read the invitation – and yes – it’s as you read before. No babies at the wedding.
(1) Maybe the bride knows that small/very small children can make a lot of noise. Just as the officiating person asks ‘Do you take … to be your wife/husband/partner, those darling and not so darling small people will wail/scream/or jump off something.
(2) The parents of the aforementioned tinies do not understand the meaning of noise control because many (not all) of the parents cannot say ‘no – stop – don’t do that – or simply put their finger across their closed lips and say shsh shsh. Some children understand this type of communication.
(3) Very small children do not know they are at a wedding especially if they are wrapped and being held in their mother’s/father’s arms.
(4) The day belongs to the bride and groom – they are the centre of attraction – not the baby – your most beautiful and adorable baby!
(5) The parents will be held responsible by those paying the bill, for allowing their baby to disrupt the marriage process!! And those paying the bill also have a precious daughter.
(6) So, these are just some of the reasons why brides and grooms decide to omit the name of the recently arrived – and not so recently arrived baby and the fast moving toddler from the wedding invitation.
Maybe I should have added one more reason – the bride and groom may have decided that the parents of the aforementioned collective of little children would actually enjoy some time out and really enjoy themselves on this momentous occasion!
I can hear you say – “how will I do this – I have a small baby?’
Here is my plan for you.
A great plus to begin with and something that may already be in place, is to have a trusted granny, sister, aunty or wonderful friend who is already part of your caring system. If not, there is time to put this in place.
This special person would have great pleasure and feel it an honour to be asked to care for your baby and therefore enable you to go off with no hesitation and enjoy your BFF wedding.
A person you trust, that has raised children herself, knows the rules and who you admire for these qualities..
Next step – sit down together nearer the day and make a plan which will include feeding times – sleep times, floor times etc etc. If you are breast feeding you will need to express enough milk to see your baby through, remember that the bridal party go off for an inordinate amount of time for photo’s and if this wedding is taking place in your home town, it is a time that you may chose to go home and feed that beautiful baby.
If not, that wonderful caring person you have left in charge will feed the baby either expressed breast milk or some formula. It will not hurt the baby in any way to have some formula – maybe she has had it before and is more than happy to take whatever is on offer!
Also – as I say in my book, it is imperative that your baby can take a bottle just as easily as the breast and you never know when that may be necessary. I have cared for babies for 55 years and I know that, so long as a baby is used to both, there is never nipple confusion. In cases of multiple births, each baby will get used to a bottle now and then.
Now, back to that incredible wedding with no crying baby or out of control toddler!
A reminder here – drink plenty of water – ready for a good supply of milk when you return home.
Lastly – but also firstly – get dressed up – giving yourself plenty of time to do this – enjoy getting dressed up – knock the socks off your husband/partner because you don’t get many opportunities to do just that! Be happy that you’re having this special time together.
Txt your caring lady if you have to but don’t stress out about your baby – she will hardly know you’ve gone!
Just a little reminder – your baby needs a routine – every day the same, give or take a bit but even on the day of your BFF wedding, stick to the routines set out in your plan and ask your great friend, the carer of your baby, to do the same. She will tuck your baby in with as much love as you do. Yes, she will!
Babies at weddings get passed around, they get tired and then over-tired and will not settle. Then the mother gets stressed and what happens then? Well, you and your partner end up by going home early, unhappy because plans have not turned out the way you would have liked.
If all goes to plan and there is no reason why it shouldn’t, enjoy the wedding, have a dance or two or three, drink more water and sparkling grape juice when you toast the bride and groom and be ready to leave before midnight or you may turn into a pumpkin!
As you will no doubt gather, I am most certainly against babies being taken to weddings – or any other celebrations where that baby can become the centre of attraction. It is better for her to be in her routine, tucked up in her own bed. Let her be the princess at her christening, birthday or just a regular family get-together.